Is Everyone Else Flossing?

flossingThis time last week I was at the dentist for my bi-annual floss lecture teeth cleaning.

I’m one of those odd people who actually kinda likes going to the dentist.  I enjoy the squeaky-clean feel of my teeth after I leave.  I’m pretty much good with the good ole tooth doctor as long as it’s not x-ray day.  I loathe x-ray day.  They cover you with body armor, shove stuff in your mouth, then flee the vicinity like they know a hangry lion is lurking around the next corner and they’ve left you there, weighed down by the metal vest, to become breakfast so they can save themselves.

This visit marked something new for me.  I was straightforward in the response to question of whether or not I floss.  In the past I’ve answered with a noncommittal “sometimes” or “when I can” or “I need to be better.”  Last week I just came out and said no.  I’m not a flosser.  Just like I’m not a ninja.

Unfortunately, I had a new hygienist and she did not take kindly to my candor. As a direct result of my failure to tell a white lie I spent the majority of the visit holding a hand mirror and being told all the ways I am failing my gums. “See here? Bad. And here? Also Bad.”

At some point I began singing, “Bad, bad. Really, really bad” to myself.  Who knew a trip to the dentist could magically transform you into a Michael Jackson music video?

And – to add insult to injury – some cruel person has invented a teeny tiny camera that they can put in your mouth to take pictures with.  So, in addition to the hand mirror of shame, my viewing of the Today Show was interrupted by images of my teeth on the big screen.

Here’s something to note, you don’t want to see your teeth and gums on the big screen.  It’s too much information. Just trust me on this.

And in the event that I get a bunch of comments from flossers on this post shaming my non-flossing ways – allow me to defend myself. I have a toddler. She can be found clinging to my legs and screeching when I brush my teeth. Can’t it be good enough that I am able to brush my teeth twice a day? Can’t the Gum Gods give me a little flossing grace period?  I use a fancy electric toothbrush! Can’t that count for something?

If you’ve made it this far, you’ve now suffered through around 400 words on flossing.   To which I say: Have higher standards, Dear Reader.

And don’t forget to floss.  Or at least have the good sense to lie about it.

 

(Mom, if you’re reading this I am JUST KIDDING.  My gums are TOTALLY FINE and all the orthodontic work you and dad paid for is totes not going to waste. Promise.)

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I Dream In Muppet – And Other Things I Must Momfess

 

I’m linking up to day with Andrea at Momfessionals for “Show and Tell Tuesday” to talk about our “Momfessionals Moments”.

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Momfessions.  We all have them, am I right?  Things that you have found yourself doing ONLY since becoming a mother – things that never even entered your mind before you brought a tiny human into the world.

I want to share so many momfessions with you all, but I need you to know that I have stared at this screen for a sweet forever trying to come up with what to write.  Not for lack of content, mind you, just – WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN?

Do I talk about some of my very glamorous post birth experiences? No, Kelly, no. Nobody needs to know about *that* thing that happened. It’s too much to share with strangers on the internet.

Or the (first) time I cut her finger while clipping her nails? Or the time I realized that I had never actually washed behind her ears? Or the time I stepped on her hand when she was crawling around the kitchen while I fixed dinner?

I could go on.

Instead, what I think I’ll do is give you 5 ways I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I’m a momma.

1. I Dream in Muppet

When people are mastering a foreign language, they say that they know they are really becoming fluent when they start dreaming in that language.  Well, I’m apparently becoming fluent in Muppet.  The other night, I had a dream composed entirely of Muppets.  And no, it’s not that I had suddenly found myself in an episode of Sesame Street.  Just, real people in my life were in Muppet form.  Terrifying.

2. Blow Out is a Double Entendre

A few days ago I was scrolling through Instagram and saw this:

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I read “post a pic of your blowout” and my immediate next thought was, “Ew. WHY? I don’t want to see that from my own kid let alone the blowouts of other babies.”

And then it occurred to me that the contest has nothing at all to do with diapers.  And I think it’s clear that it’s been a few zillion years since my hair has been professionally blown out.

3. I Have No Idea What Fleek Means.

Who is Fleek? What is Fleek? Am I to be on Fleek or off Fleek or in or around or (insert another preposition here) Fleek?  Also, who started this word? Is it a mash up of fleas and meek? or flowers and week? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

4. We Qualify For the Early Bird Discount

The darndest thing happens when your child has a 7:00 bedtime: they have to eat before then.  At home, this is easily accomplished.  We can eat around 6 or 6:30 and then off to dreamland she goes.  But if we want to go to a restaurant we have to get there around 5 or 5:30 because we have to be Defensive Diners.  We have to stay one step ahead of any impending meltdown.  And, of course, allot for the extra time it takes when you’re eating out.  Because 7 p.m. sneaks up on you faster than you’d think.

5. I Dress With Boob Exposure in Mind

Never in my life did I imagine a scenario where I’d be getting dressed and thinking, “what can I put on that I can easily flop out a boob?”  Speed is of the essence when it comes to semi-discrete nursing.  When you are nursing a toddler you need to be able to get that ta-ta out with a quickness before said toddler creates a crazy scene bobbing for apples on your chest.

Motherhood is very glamorous, don’t you think?

 

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My Sleep Style: It All Depends On Her

#mysleepstyle

Did ya’ll know that May is Better Sleep Month? I sure didn’t, and if you had told me that this time last year I would have LAUGHED IN YOUR FACE because we were in the midst of the dreaded 4 month sleep regression with G and I was sure that I would never sleep again.

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The Sleep Struggle is real, folks.

Fortunately, things have changed and I have learned a thing or eighty about what works well in helping G get, and stay, asleep.  And lucky for all of us, the fine folks at Wayfair are sharing all kinds of good ways to help your little ones get better sleep this month.  Follow their hashtag at #mysleepstyle to figure out just what you need for better sleep!

You learn quickly when you have a baby that they are the Supreme Dictator of Sleep and if they aren’t sleeping, neither are you.  So when my daughter was little we used the Merlin Magic Sleep Suit to transition her out of the swaddle and help her sleep through the night.  I wrote a full review here but the short version is: I would have paid ALL THE DOLLARS for this thing because it is so, so wonderful.

Now that she’s older and we are entering full-on toddlerhood, I’m learning that sleeping well is really the result of a good routine and a happy space.  I adore G’s room and I’ve given the full tour already, but there are a few things in it that have to be right to make sure we all have the opportunity for a good night’s rest.

The Right Light

This little lamp is a key part to our night time ritual.  I can turn just the base of it on and it casts the softest light to read and rock G to sleep by.  Perfection.

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Sad news though – it’s from Pottery Barn and I just saw it’s no longer available. So I went a Wayfair-ing and found this beauty:

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Say it with me: Ooooohhh, ahhhhhh.  And while I was in their lighting section I found a chandelier that is a need, not a want.  Because while G’s light is on a dimmer, which is fab, it’s also a boob light.  And why should she have to endure that when she could be sleeping under this:

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So pretty.  So so pretty.

The Right Reading

One of our favorite rituals is reading to G before she goes to sleep at night.  We have a lot of favorite books on the book rack that my aunt gave to us right out of her kindergarten classroom.

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You can find similar shelves here and here.

It’s hard to narrow down which book I love best, so I’ll just tell you that these are among our most read:

Do Crocs Kiss?  We love this book & there are more in this series of lift the flap books.  We have so much fun pointing to each animal and helping her learn what they all say.

Moo, Baa, La La La – I love anything by Sandra Boynton and you should, too.

Corduroy – Because sometimes there’s nothing better than reliving your own childhood by reading one of your old favorites to your little one.

The Right Chair

I think I may be the only mother in my generation still rocking a baby in a rocker instead of a glider but I don’t even care.  This little chair and I have logged many miles and it’s a special family heirloom.  Oh, and it is SO COMFORTABLE.  I highly recommend a rocker if you are short on space – they are supremely under-rated (and I think this one looks fab if you’re decorating a small nursery!)

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I completely under-estimated how much time I would spend in this chair.  We rock and read in this every night.  It’s where I sat when I nursed her as an infant, and it’s where I rock her now when she’s not feeling well.  Pick out a good chair for your nursery, mommas.  It’ll be with you for a long time.

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This pic is grainy and terrible – but behold! The rocker has done what is was meant to do – that is a CONKED OUT baby right there.

The Right Bed

Ah finally, the ultimate goal, getting your child to sleep happily in their crib or bed.  I was really choosy when it came to G’s crib because lo, I am very short.  I scoured the internet and stores, and kept my trusty tape-measurer with me until I finally found this beauty at Pottery Barn:

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The bedding is from Pottery Barn, too and we just love it so much.  I also love the mobile that I ended up hanging from her shelf (I didn’t want it to block her monogram!)

But, most of all, we love Bop.  Who is Bop, you ask?

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This is Bop. Bop came to us by way of the hospital gift shop after a particularly awful visit at the pediatrician.  G pointed to this little puppy as we were waiting for a prescription to be filled and since Mommy Guilt is very powerful I immediately bought it for her.

Best. Purchase. Ever.

She loves this puppy so much.  Now after we have adjusted the lighting and read books and rocked and cuddled, she will lunge for her bed and wrap her little arms around Bop’s neck.

It’s the sweetest ever.

But aren’t all babies the sweetest ever when you’ve finally gotten them to sleep?

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There’s nothing better.

 

I wrote this post on behalf of Wayfair as part of their #bettersleepmonth and #mysleepstyle promotion. I wasn’t compensated in any way and all opinions are my own. 

Posted by & filed under Motherhood, The Girl. This post has 24 comments.