I’m Still Me

postpartum depression

 

 

Hokay. So. Today I have a piece on the Oklahoma City Moms Blog on my postpartum depression.

But Kelly, I didn’t know you had PPD. 

And that’s because I haven’t talked about it.  Because it’s not exactly the first thing I want to bring up when I see friends or family or even when I blog here.

But, but, it occurred to me that maybe if I wrote about it I could do some good. A few months ago, when I was starting to put the pieces together on what was going on with me, I had a really hard time finding any post anywhere on what PPD looked like for me. So that’s why I wrote what I did.  That’s why I’m putting this out there on the Big Scary Internet.

I went back on forth on whether to put my name on that post, or to have it post anonymously.  I ultimately decided to put my name on it because I want people to know that real people get PPD.  People you know.  People you work with or shop with or volunteer with.  It is so very common and so very not talked about.

Part of my hesitation on owning this struggle so publicly is that I really, truly, do not want to be treated any differently because of it.  I am still me. I am still sarcastic and stubborn and silly.  I’m lame with my jokes and quick to cry at a commercial and I love my family fiercely.  I was in a fog for a little while, but I’m coming out of it.  I’m okay – and if you know me in real life then you should treat me just like you always have.

I didn’t write that post for me.  Not for sympathy or pity or anything like that.  I wrote it for Her.  I wrote it for the momma who is googling and trying to find someone, somewhere who can validate her feelings. I want Her to feel normal. I want Her to not feel alone.

And please allow me this borderline cheesy PSA:

If you know someone with PPD, encourage them to get the help they need to get back to themselves.

If you think you may have PPD – get the help. There is exactly zero shame in this.  Talk to a professional. Get on some medicine. Do the work.  I promise you that it can and will get better.  It will get so much better.

Love to you all – I’ll be back this week with my regularly scheduled rambling and feeble attempts at humor now that I’ve bombarded you with BIG FEELINGS today.

 

 

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Swimsuits For Your Momma Bod

mom swimsuit

I’m told it’s summer.  Or close to summer.  Summer adjacent.  At any rate, the neighborhood pool apparently opened this weekend…or so I’m told.

I’ve been too busy building my ark to notice.

Anyway, I like to think that the rain will end at some point and we may, just may, get to go to the pool this summer.

I’ve been on a mission to find one pieces that aren’t terrible since my resolve to embrace my post baby bod.  I’m all about mommas being proud of their bodies, so if you are one of the moms who rocks a 2 piece after growing and birthing a human I say kudos to you, sister! 

However, I’m more about wearing what you feel good in. And, for me right now, that is a one piece.

Behold, mommas, one pieces that won’t make you feel like your grandma:

Target Swim Romper

black target suitA romper that swims! This is maybe the only romper I could ever rock. I love the neckline on this and the extra upper-thigh coverage the romper shorts provide. Perfect for those of us who will be lounging by the kiddie pool! Plus it’s 30% off with the code MEM30 right now.

Spanx Adjustable Ruched One Piece

pSPXNA-MS2656_BPOLK_main_v275

 

Spanx. Sells. Swimsuits.  I bought 2 from their line for Target last summer and they are SO GREAT.  I don’t think they have a line for Target this summer which makes me le sad, but I do think a great suit like this is worth the splurge.

Loft Beach Gingham Suit

imageService

 

I love the rouching, pattern, and scalloped neckline on this suit.  I’m a fan of a halter top but you can also tie the straps on this one in the back if you want to make it strapless. It’s also 40% off right now!

Peruvian Stripe Tunic Cover-Up

 

_10466086 Okay so this isn’t a swimsuit per se but how terrific is this cover-up? AND it’s part of Nordstrom’s half-yearly sale right now.

Crochet Trim Racerback Tankini

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I love the crochet detail and the cut on the top of this one – also part of Nordstrom’s Half Yearly Sale.

Happy shopping, mommas!  And a happy Memorial Day to our veterans and their families – especially to those who have lost loved ones fighting for our nation.  We remember you and the ones you love today and I am thankful, so thankful, every day for your service & sacrifice.

 

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Slices of Life

slices of life

 

Every once in a while, I have a candid little moment with G that I’m not able to capture on my camera.  She’s at such a fun age and is busy, busy, busy.  I want to freeze frame this time, but mostly I want to remember.  So, I’m writing here to remember – Lord knows I’m woefully behind on anything resembling a scrapbook.

The changing table in her classroom is front & center in the room – basically the perfect vantage point to look out upon all the other babies.  So, as a well documented waver, she relishes in the opportunity to stand on this table and wave at her subjects classmates.  She loves her little friends and it makes me so happy to know how much she loves her school.

You know you have a toddler when: freshly swept floors stay clean for .02 seconds.  I had swept the kitchen floor the other night and then I heard something rustling.  Somehow, she had gotten ahold of a puffs container and was gleefully shaking them all. over. the. place.  And then picking them up and eating them off the floor…at least it was clean?

She’s been an old pro at blowing kisses for quite some time, but only recently has been given actual kisses.

But only to J.  She gives him the sweetest kisses on the cheek and, well, color me green with envy.

Then on Tuesday she brought me a book to read and crawled up on my lap and as I opened the book I said “G can I have a kiss?” SMOOCH.  I nearly died.  It was the sweetest ever.

She is really starting to put 2 & 2 together.  I mean, not mathematically.  But it seems like in the last week or so everything is clicking for her.  I can tell her to pick up something she got out and she does it.  She tries to put on her socks and shoes.  She took the nail clippers and held them to her fingers.  We’ve had to give her ear drops lately and she’ll pick that bottle up and hold it up to her ears. Essentially – monkey see, monkey do.  She is seeing and mimicking everything and I am loving watching her learn.

I bought her one of those big beach ball type balls that they keep in giant cages at the grocery store last week and she LOVES IT.  Carries it everywhere even though it’s about as big as her.  “Ba ba ba ba” is about all we hear around our house.  She bounces it and throws it and it’s probably soon that something will break but I’m just going with it for now because she has so much fun with it.

She has dance moves that leave me in stitches.  She pops and locks, you guys.  Just, it’s like she’s doing a very bad version of the robot.  She inherited my rhythm, poor child.  But oh man – she loves to boogie.  She wiggles and grooves any time she hears any music.  I cannot wait to get this girl in a dance class.

She is at that age where she is undecided at any given moment on whether to obey us, or do whatever she darn well pleases.  And every once in a while those feelings collide.  This happened the other day as I was trying to get her to follow me back out of the bathroom (no mother pees alone) and she wanted to hang out in there to gaze upon her bath toys.  She ended up walking in circles – not back and forth – circles. Like she was chasing her tail. I’d say “G, come here please, let’s go play!” and she’d turn to me. And then as if the tub had a magnetic pull she’d turn back to it.  Round and round she went until I finally just picked her up and rescued her from her self-inflicted merry-go-round.

She loves her puppy, Bop, and all of her other little stuffed animals.  At any given moment when she picks one up you can say “G, hug your baby/puppy/bear” and she will beam and give the doll the sweetest hug.  She also gives me the greatest hugs when we’re getting ready to get in the car after I pick her up from school – it’s become our ritual.  I open the car door and she wraps her arms around my neck and rests her head on my shoulder and gives me the sweetest squeeze. I’m sure it’s a stall tactic but I cannot even make myself care.  I hope that she never stops hugging me at the end of the day.

G at 16 months is smart and fun and spirited and funny and determined and so much more than I could have ever pictured. I’m endlessly fortunate to be her momma.

 

 

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