What My Husband Will NOT Get for Father’s Day

fathers day (1)

I have a theory that Mother’s Day is in May because school is still in session then. Dads have the luxury of letting teachers do the creative heavy lifting and then they can grab some flowers and call it good.

Moms? We’re celebrating this Hallmark holiday in June without the benefit of teacher-led crafts and with the burden of Pinterest.  When you go to the drug store to grab a card for your husband it’s the Pinterest Burden that whispers, “Shouldn’t you have helped your toddler make paper out of paste, confetti, and your own tears and then written a personalized Haiku for your husband on that instead of buying a card?”

Stupid Pinterest.

And hey – if you’re a Pinterest Mom: I applaud you. Really, I do.  Your ability to look at a pile of toothpicks and think, “That should be woven into wicker furniture for Barbie!” is something to be admired.

Alas, I am a mere mortal. Barely capable of wielding a glue stick and entirely terrified of glitter.

(I’m sure we can all agree that glitter is the herpes of crafts.)

But since I still haven’t given up hope on my inner crafter, I turned to Pinterest to help me come up with some ideas of what I can have my daughter make (re: make myself and give her credit) my husband for Father’s Day.

And then I had to give myself a few minutes to just laugh. Because no.  So much no.

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via ourbestbites.com

Bacon roses. I’ll admit it – this is cute in theory.  But it involves baking, a trip to the craft store, and creating a “toothpick stand” (AGAIN WITH THE TOOTHPICKS).  Too much for something my husband would devour in 3 minutes.

via mybrightfirefly.com

via mybrightfirefly.com

“Hoppy Father’s Day!” Love it. Play on words FTW.  Easy Origami? Thank you for the laugh. I love a good oxymoron!

via ehow.com

via ehow.com

Precious keepsake- but my husband would do this puzzle exactly zero times.  Also, you lost me at “Cut down a piece of plastic” and “decoupage” and “exacto knife”.

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via lovelaughterforeverafter.com

I cannot imagine how many cans would fall to the kitchen floor and then launch off like a grenade as they shot across my living room if I tried to assemble this diaper cake of soda.  And as much as I’m sure my husband would appreciate a tower o’ junk food, he’d be taking it apart in .2 seconds to get those cans in the fridge. Or worse: just shoving it in there fully assembled and taking up ALL the space.

So to my husband: Happy Father’s Day, honey.  I love you. You’re the best dad and I may make an effort to trace our toddler’s hand onto a piece of construction paper and pass that off as a gift.  Please act very excited when it’s presented to you.

After all, at least I tried to go above and beyond this year, right?

 

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Meal Plan FRIDAY


Meal Plan (1)So, I know Meal Plan Monday is totally a thing and here I am all switching it up to Friday. I swear I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel. But, as much as I love alliteration, meal planning on a Monday isn’t real life for me. If I waited til Monday to meal plan it would involve a lot of take out.

And doesn’t that defeat the entire purpose of meal planning?

So anyway, my goal here is to simplify this for all of us.  On Friday’s I’m going to round up the yummiest-sounding recipes from some of my favorite blogs and some of my tried-and-true favorites.  I will link them here (because duh, plagiarism isn’t cool) and whip up a grocery list to boot.  That way we can knock out the weekend shoppings, throw everything in dinner bins, and be done with it all.

Also: I meal plan based on a Sunday-Thursday schedule.  Sunday is a crockpot day – or a day where we make something in a big enough quantity to let us eat on during the week. And Friday and Saturday are either take out, leftovers, or some fancy meal my husband wants to whip up (he’s the real cook in the family).

Without further ado…

Sunday

Slow Cooked Sweet Barbacoa PorkSlow-Cooked-Sweet-Pork-Barbacoa

Yum yum yummiest yum.  Do you all follow Skinny Taste? If not you probably should – I have yet to try a recipe of hers that I haven’t loved.  I’m probably going to switch this up and serve it over cauliflower rice a la Goop (J, if you’re reading this, that white stuff you’re eating is ABSOLUTELY NOT cauliflower.  I would never betray your trust and serve you a vegetable masquerading as a carbohydrate.)

Monday:

Rotisserie Chicken Salad

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The beauty of this recipe from Twisted Tastes is you can whip it up on Sunday night and have it ready to go for Monday.  I’d probably swap out the may for greek yogurt (you won’t notice the difference) and serve it on your favorite toasted bread with a side salad.  Super simple!

Tuesday:

Greek Tacos

Greek Tacos

My years of living in Texas made me a Taco Tuesday lover – this recipe from the Mix & Match Mama is a great (healthy!) twist on them with ground turkey, feta, and loads of veggies!

Wednesday:

One Pan Cheesy Chicken, Broccoli, and Rice

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Any recipe that starts with the words “One Pan” has my immediate attention.  And this recipe from The Girl Who Ate Everything looks like the perfect way to trick encourage my toddler to eat broccoli!

Thursday:

Southwestern Sweet Potatoes

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This is my personal favorite Meatless Monday recipe (I know I have this on Thursday. Just Whatever. Get one meatless meal in a week and call it good – you don’t have to follow rules here.) While well suited for fall, it’s still a great light summer dish because of all the fresh ingredients.

Bonus Treat:

Grilled Banana Smore’s

grillsmoreThis recipe from the Gastronom Blog is essentially a grilled banana split – what’s not to love? Also there’s fruit involved so YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THE HEALTH FOOD.

 

What say you? Are you ready to shop & prep & dine? Here’s your list! (Print friendly version: Week of June 7, 2015 – Shopping List)

Week of June 7, 2015 - Shopping List

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Toddler’s List of: Meal Demands

Since Mom Babble was so kind to feature my Toddler’s List of Grievances yesterday, I thought I’d share my latest attempt at figuring out what in the world goes on inside that little head every day.  Meal time is becoming increasingly difficult around our house – here’s the latest from the mind of G.

toddler's list of meal demands

 

Dear Momma,

I see you are going to continue insisting on this ridiculous dining endeavor at least three times a day in spite of my efforts to break your spirit.  I must commend you, you’ve held out longer than I anticipated.  A lesser woman would have been reduced to a puddle of tears and despair months ago – and I’ve only seen you cry at dinner twice.

Because I’m impressed by your efforts, I’m willing to work with you on this whole eating charade.  I’ll sit down for meals and, if you’re lucky, I may even put food in my mouth and not immediately spit it out again.  But I have a few demands.  Just work within these rules and we’ll be dining like the Brady Bunch in no time.

MEAL TIME DEMANDS:

  1. You are required to at least pretend to taste each bite of food before I put it in my own mouth.  I like to feel like royalty and this procedure makes me feel like I have my very own cup-bearer: I will hold out a piece of food and you will chomp at it with glee. Sound effects are optional but definitely preferred.
  2. You will let me feed myself – no matter the mess.  You won’t be there to feed me yogurt in kindergarten, I need to learn at some point how to get food from plate to fork to mouth. Stop babying me. 
  3. You will feed me – why would you make me do this myself?  Do you know how messy it gets and how difficult these stupid utensils are?  I’m still practically a baby, momma.  Why are you trying to make me grow up so fast?
  4. I will throw the sippy cup to the floor.  You will retrieve it.  The limit on how many times I can do this will be infinity.
  5. You will allow me to hold food out for the dog to sniff at but under no circumstances is that beast ever to actually eat the food I am taunting her with. It’s your job to make sure that doesn’t happen.
  6. Don’t serve anything green.  Don’t try to sneak it into something else or scoop it up on a bite with something else.  I will find the green thing in my mouth, retrieve it, and throw it if you try to be sneaky or conniving about this. NO GREEN.
  7. I want meal times to be a bit more like dinner theatre.  Please stand up and break out into interpretive song & dance every few minutes for my entertainment.  You can sit down again once your food is lukewarm.
  8. If you try to eat at the same time as me I’m going to need bites of food off of your plate.  I know you claim that it’s the same as what you served me but you’re just not that trustworthy.  I have a sneaking suspicion that the “bubble gum” you give me before bed every once in a while is actually medicine.  I need to taste test your food to make sure I’m not missing out on something fantastic.
  9. Stop asking me if I’m “all done” or if I want “more” with those ridiculous hand motions.  You know the answer: It’s more. And if I’m all done you’ll know because I’ll either arch my back and screech like a feral cat or I’ll start throwing food at your face.  I’m not one for subtlety.
  10. Meals should be served at exactly the moment when my hunger strikes and I am no longer interested in playing with my toys.  Too soon, and I’m going to LOSE MY MIND because why are you taking me away from my beloved toys? Too late and I’m going to FREAK OUT because why are you trying to let me starve?  In either of these scenarios I’m not going to eat at all, even if you follow through with demands 1-9 perfectly, so get this part right.

Momma, at this point you might be asking yourself, “What is this, a hostage negotiation?”

But I’m not going to answer that.  I think it’s just important to remember which one of us is required to sleep behind bars each night.  You’re lucky I’m still complying with the crib situation, but time is running out there so consider yourself warned.

I have high hopes for this arrangement, and I hope you do too.  And hey – if it doesn’t work out, no big deal, right? It’s just my health and well-being we’re talking about here.

Love,

Your Toddler.

 

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