Scary Mommy, Indeed

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Oh hey friends. Yesterday was a whole thing, wasn’t it? Is it obvious that I have zero control over the editorial calendar of the sites I contribute to?

Because I can promise you that there is no universe in which I would have run a post on my PPD and my heavily sarcastic post on Daycare Myths on the same day.

Let’s pretend those were complimentary in a very “opposites attract” kind of way. Just go with it.

Anyway, I learned some things yesterday about the Big Internet. It can be overwhelmingly kind and supportive while simultaneously being overwhelmingly disagreeable (to put it nicely).

Having a piece run on Scary Mommy is very cool and feels very validating to a little ol’ blogger like myself. But I was not fully prepared for the Big Internet.

Next time I’ll be ready, because I’ll remember these 10 things:

The very first comment might be mean. You will see comments on your post and think “hurray! This resonated with someone! I did it right” and then suddenly feel very misunderstood. Remember these two words: Vocal. Minority.
You will question your post once people start to pick at it. In the immortal words of Taylor Swift: Shake it off!
Don’t look at the Facebook comments. Just don’t. It’s a rabbit hole you don’t want to go down.
You’re going to look at the Facebook comments. You’re a writer, and since you’re a writer words matter to you. Grab a cocktail.
Make sure someone is nearby to cut you off at a 2 drink maximum.
Circumvent the advice given in point 5 and instead make that person to help you turn comment reading into a drinking game: every time a commenter takes a jab at you, take a drink!
Editors aren’t idiots. They get paid to select what gets put on their site. You were published for a reason.
Want to know who doesn’t get paid? Commenters. This is why you should be thankful for the kind ones – they took time to praise your work – and let the others roll off your back. You don’t need to justify yourself to them. You just don’t.
Before you submit, be sure you are telling YOUR truth. Your truth is all that matters. It makes the criticism easier to swallow when you know you’ve been fully honest.
If all else fails, channel your inner Jen Hatmaker (this rule probably applies to a lot in life):

“Most readers are craving truth-tellers who don’t sanitize their words to avoid criticism. Be brave.”

Be brave, writers. Be. Brave.

And now for a moment of shameless self promotion:

Are you writing down the ridiculous things you say so you can link up with me next Monday (June 1) for Out of the Mouths of Moms (#ootmom). You KNOW you have said something crazy today. Here’s mine for the day:

“G, I need you to eat your dinner without making me pretend to taste test each bite first. I am not your cup-bearer”.

Please don’t leave me alone on this limb of saying the most ridiculous things. Start making notes, I can’t wait to read what you have to share!

Posted by Kelly & filed under Motherhood. This post has 24 comments.

24 thoughts on “Scary Mommy, Indeed”

Lori Boutelle May 27, 2015 at 6:57 am

Yikes! That sounds like fun (obviously I’m only referring to the cocktail & NONE of the rest). I’m super bummed to hear that’s what it was like, especially since I’m a huge fan of your blog. I love that you shared so openly & vulnerably…for each hater there is probably at least 5 (& even more) who read that yesterday & really needed it. I have no doubt that you changed lives by sharing that. Also, I now have T. Swift in my head (not that that’s different from any other day, really). Can’t wait for the link up!!
1. Kelly Post author May 27, 2015 at 7:24 am
  
  I should have been more clear – the haters were really only part of the Scary Mommy post, not the PPD one. I was actually overwhelmed with the kindness I was shown in that post.
  
  And YOU ARE WELCOME for putting T Swift in your head!
  1. Lori Boutelle May 27, 2015 at 7:48 am
    
    Oh duh! Well that’s good! 🙂
Adrienne May 27, 2015 at 8:44 am

Such good advice. Particularly about editors and readers. Some people are just venting their anger for no real reason. And you’re right- daycare is awesome. Let the professionals do their job!
Jill May 27, 2015 at 10:37 am

Thanks so much for putting these together! It’s a pep talk I need to put on my wall and read every day as I try to regroup from the critical backlash put up to it by angry family members who COMPLETELY misunderstand me. I have so much good material sitting in wait until my walls are rebuilt a little thicker … And I’m a newbie 😉
Megan Elford May 27, 2015 at 11:34 am

So true — editors will pick the controversial ones that they know will result in commenting and sharing. And that’s good because more eyes on your writing is a good thing. But I’ve also been the target of haters and commenters that take things WAY too seriously and SO out of context it’s unbelievable! Why they feel the need to bash not just my opinions but my personal life as well is beyond me! It’s so hard not to get down about it, but the truth is those haters are a huge part of the continuing the interest in your story ;-). So it all works out in the end, lol!
1. Meg May 27, 2015 at 9:44 pm
  
  My first scary mommy post goes live on June four. I’m terrified of the haters! Thanks for the advice!
louisakopp May 29, 2015 at 8:35 am

I loved your daycare post! My kids aren’t in daycare since I work part-time (but boy do I wish they were, lol!) and I live in an area where every child goes to daycare, even many of the kids with stay-at-home moms. So I often feel a bit like an outsider. It’s so reassuring to know that we all have those feelings of being judged or left out, regardless of what “side” we’re on. So keep being brave, mama! Your words are doing way more good than bad. 🙂
Mary La Fornara (@itsaboutpretty) May 29, 2015 at 9:26 am

I read some of your Scary Mommy comments, all I can say is, wow! Isn’t the beauty of where we live to make our own choices with our lives and those of our family? Good job on that SM (Scary Mommy, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea!) post and I love this one too!
Emily, Our house now a home May 29, 2015 at 9:46 am

Sorry you had a rough time. I was not prepared for the negative. I can honestly say I would never be so mean spirited towards someones words. If I did not agree, I may say so (usually not even that) but never in a way to tear down the other person. I think people forget there is a person behind the words. Also, I love the tip on the editors choosing your work for a reason. Keep that in mind and enjoy the validation and new endeavors!
Thomasina May 29, 2015 at 10:54 am

I always fear the comments. I wrote a piece on Divorce that was on Huffington and from the comments, I don’t think people understood where I was coming from. But that’s ok – not every one will get it. But it does sting a bit, which is where the alcohol comes in handy. 😉
jenbrenan May 29, 2015 at 11:03 am

I contribute to Huffington occasionally and the comments are always interesting! Congrats on getting on Scary Mommy, I have tried a few times myself but no luck yet. I read your day care article on scary mommy and loved it! Congrats again.
karyl henry May 29, 2015 at 12:22 pm

These are all good, but 3, 4 and 5 are the best!
yanique May 29, 2015 at 12:50 pm

Scary Mommy is notorious for scary comments. I’m surprised the readers are so uptight…it’s Scary Mommy! Congrats on them running your piece. I loved it!
Amy @Planning Playtime May 29, 2015 at 1:20 pm

Been there, and it’s crazy. You feel like your work took on a life of it’s own, and you’re totally out of control. I love what you said about nice commentors though. They’re not paid, and I’ve had so many go way out of their way to make sure I heard the nice things they had to say. It makes you feel like what you’re doing is worth it.
JcCee May 29, 2015 at 3:28 pm

First, Congrats! Your article was the reason that I went to the site. It was my first time going there and I enjoyed what you wrote.
lesliesholly May 29, 2015 at 4:58 pm

Congratulations! I saw some of the comments and think you should be proud of getting a discussion going!
1. Kelly Post author May 30, 2015 at 8:58 am
  
  Thanks Leslie – that’s a great way to look at it!
MyMoms TotallyNuts (@momstotallynuts) May 30, 2015 at 3:24 pm

Congratulations! I completely agree that writers need to let naysayers comments roll of their back and I LOVED the “grab a cocktail” ha ha…. This is a great list!
Irion May 31, 2015 at 9:27 am

Congrats on your Scary Mommy posts! I can’t imagine what I’d do if I got a bunch of negative comments. I guess I’d do like you and grab a drink lol.
Kaitie Creator of Fuchisa Freezer May 31, 2015 at 11:44 am

Everyone has a comment one way or another… but good for you for keeping to your self… and enjoying a cocktail along the way! 🙂
tinsel12 May 31, 2015 at 11:50 am

Being so open on the Internet does open you up to the good and bad. And the post you did was awesome and interesting enough where people actually wanted to comment.
vaneese06 May 31, 2015 at 10:36 pm

First of all, congratulations! That’s a great accomplishment. As far as the comments, I totally get you. Sometimes I find myself reading, reading, reading, and getting more pissed by the letter. Sometimes you just have to woosah it out…and get another cocktail.
This Ole Mom June 1, 2015 at 10:32 pm

Congratulations on getting your article published on Scary Mommy , and thanks for sharing those great tips. I just can’t believe grown people have to be ugly to one another.