Motherhood Changed Me. (But not how I thought it would)

Share55
Pin
Stumble1
+13
Share
Shares 59

They said that motherhood would change me. That it would make me boring. That it would put me in a different stage than my friends.  “Not me” I thought. I mean, sure, I knew some things would change. But me? As a person? Nah.

I recently downloaded the timehop app. It’s innocent enough in theory – it scans your social media and shows you pictures & posts from the same day last year, 2 years ago, etc. Throwback Thursday for dummies, if you will.

In practice, it’s a walk down memory lane that torments me daily with FEELINGS because it sends me pictures of G when she was an infant.  And the fact that she is now trying to walk everywhere is a daily reminder that those days, they are gone.

And every once in a while, a picture will appear from college. Or from the first few years when I was living in Dallas after graduation.  I adore those pictures.  They are from such a fun season of life.  1923348_520831951614_6350_n

 

But if I’m being honest?  I also look at them and sometimes wonder who that girl is.

1910099_511126810794_1453_n

Because that girl? She doesn’t know G yet.  She doesn’t know her husband yet. She hasn’t met her family. (We didn’t have selfie sticks or even iPhones in ye olden days when I took this picture. Enjoy my arm)

1909449_511126825764_2204_n

She is young and fun and full of hope for her future.  She wonders what her family will look like one day.  But those thoughts are fleeting.  Because when you dream or wonder about “someday” you never actually consider that “someday” will actually, at some point, be “today”.

1914552_605383724184_1798836_n

I had it in the back of my head during this time, this child-free single girl time, that THESE were the most fun days of my life (as evidenced by my awesome shades here).

And in so many ways they were.

And in even more ways, I didn’t have a clue of how full life would someday be.

1917725_595329722484_5126025_n

That girl didn’t know that one of her greatest joys would come from hearing her daughter crack herself up after discovering a new sound she can make.

She didn’t know that she would one day turn all of those sorority songs into lullabies, because at 2 am they were all she could remember.

She didn’t know that she would sing and dance through her morning routines, just to get a smile from her daughter.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade the fun of my early 20’s for anything.  God completely used that time to give me the sweetest of friendships. Friendships that pick up where they leave off with such ease. These girls are so dear to me.

But oh my gosh. I look at those pictures and I think, “She doesn’t even know. She doesn’t know what Love is. She hasn’t met her daughter.”

It is entirely true, by the way, that the love you feel for your child cannot be put into words. Everyone says it. And now I am one of those people saying it (how cliche and annoying, amiright?) But when you have a child, your heart – your soul – expands in ways you did not know was possible. You understand Love in an entirely new way.  You marvel at how much God loves us, because the Love you feel for your child is so life-changing, so all-consuming…and you know that, somehow, He loves you more.  It leaves me in a rare spot – speechless.

So has motherhood changed me? You betcha. In all the most wonderful, beautiful, and tender ways.

I am better for being a mother. There is no greater gift.  And I am so glad that I have finally met G.

And, G? If you read this someday – thank you for showing me what Love is.

 

 

 

Posted by & filed under Motherhood. This post has 33 comments.

33 thoughts on “Motherhood Changed Me. (But not how I thought it would)”

  4. Marie at the Lazy W

    This is so beautiful. That girl hadn’t even met her family yet, didn’t even know what love was… So true!! It’s a completely new depth. Thank you so much for sharing this. I catch myself ALL THE TIME apologizing for saying cliche things about parenthood. It really picks up speed as your G ages, by the way… My babes are 17 & 19, but it seems like yesterday, well, you know that drill. LOL Just a flat out gorgeous post. Hugs.

      1. Jen R.

        Kel! I can’t get over the way you have with words. And great throw back pics, btw. You should also read jenhatmaker.com’s post from yesterday – its about taking time to develop yourself as a writer and respecting the skill and challenge that goes with that. I hope you continue to write!! xoxo (and a little hooty whoo!)

  8. Letty Watt

    What beautiful words. I find it so very refreshing to read the words of young women, young mothers, and it takes me back instantly to those moments that changed my life forever. I well remember my lunch break that day when I realized that my daughter had turned 23 and I was 46. She had now officially been with me half of my life and that was glorious.

  12. Kaitie

    I LOVED This post. Saw it on Facebook, clicked, read it, and couldn’t agree more. Sounds like me exactly. I have two little girls 11 months apart and am pregnant with my 3rd and I can’t even remember “that girl” before kids… until pictures come and I see and remember. I totally agree with how lucky I am these days with kids, and partner in tow to all of our activities & events… wonderful post. Thanks for sharing.

  13. Gunjan

    Motherhood has changed me a lot. I am better person now. All the changes are positive in me. I am more active and alert and not lazy anymore. Motherhood brought positive changes in me. I am happy to a mom.

  14. Shailee

    I do the exact same thing! I go back and look at my pictures from before my marriage or even my wedding itself. I don’t remember when I used to be me first. I’m glad though that in addition to being a mom, I’m learning who I am all over again. I do the singing thing too. I never realized how many nursery rhymes I knew until I started singing for my kiddo (and I didn’t even sing happy birthday to people before that). Anyways, I’m still learning how to balance me then and me now but it’s becoming more clear than it was before.

  15. Kathy

    I know exactly how you feel, I look at old photos of me and can’t really remember what it was like to be me before my four came along. Not sure what I did with my time either! Great post 🙂

  16. Michele

    This is such a nice story. All the phases of our lives have special memories. You are just starting down the motherhood path, you will be amazed at all the new experiences and joys ( and some troubles and sorrows too) and how fast it goes. Enjoy your daughter and this special age.

  17. Amanda Matheny

    I can totally relate to this post since most of it is exactly how I feel about being a mom to my adorable little boy who just turned four. We’re having his birthday party tomorrow morning and I just can’t believe he’s already four. My how they grow! hehe.

  18. Good Enuf Mommy

    I can so relate to this. I often look back at pictures of myself and barely recognize my old self. So carefree. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am wiser than ever, bursting with a love I never thought possible. Motherhood truly is a gift (and a good personality upgrade!)

Comments are closed.